I feel like a kid, you know when you're about to start middle school or high school. You feel older than what you really are, yet you are still looked at as what you were before. It's like you feel like you are stuck in this time warp in between the "fake" world and the "real" world.
I am really losing sight of what I need and how I need to do things.
School is what I live by. I count on school because it really is my only constant, but soon that will be gone. My student teaching (which feels like a real job because I spend so much time there) is real, but it seems fake.
I don't know which way to turn to, back to no responsibilities, no sight of the future; or to a future of possibilities, responsibilities and growing up.
I don't know what I want.
This feels like post-partum depression. But I don't think I can diagnose myself. I think I can just diagnose that I need Jesus
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
End of a chapter. End of an Era
Wow. summer is over and from the time I last wrote, till now so many things have happened. I finished my last few days of the internship, moved permanently into a house about 3 blocks away from Mission Adelante with 2 other awesome girls (hopefully pictures soon), I got to see my family, spent a lot of time with Andrew, enjoyed my final days of summer vacation with awesome neighborhood kids soaking up as much time as we could being outside, running around, swimming, and being kids and now I am starting my student teaching at ME Pearson, a neighborhood school about 5 blocks away from my house...summer is over. I have turned the page and life is again DIFFERENT. For the past 5 years, my life hasn't been the same for more than about 5 months. I lived in Lee's Summit, Springfield, Midland Texas, KCMO, back to Lee's Summit and now to KCK (in 2 different locations) being constantly uprooted and moving about 12 times in the past 5 years has been super hard and it has been hard defining what home is to me.
I have discovered that its being able to relate get support and the be the ones who support your family and friends, surrounding yourself around great people who love you, care for you, and give you opportunities to serve them. I have experienced both spectrums of what I define home as, and I have come to the conclusion is that the Lord is home and I am continually homesick for him, even when I don't realize it. there is a place that I constantly long for.
I have been waiting for a long time to be at the point that I am at now, but contentment hasn't hit yet. I think this is part of the process of finishing up a rather life changing experience.
I have discovered that its being able to relate get support and the be the ones who support your family and friends, surrounding yourself around great people who love you, care for you, and give you opportunities to serve them. I have experienced both spectrums of what I define home as, and I have come to the conclusion is that the Lord is home and I am continually homesick for him, even when I don't realize it. there is a place that I constantly long for.
I have been waiting for a long time to be at the point that I am at now, but contentment hasn't hit yet. I think this is part of the process of finishing up a rather life changing experience.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Immigrants
This past weekend, Dr. Daniel Carroll from the Denver Seminary came to Mission Adelante to talk about the issue of immigration in the Christian perspective. He gave us some insight on this issue and what we should do as Christians to not let the media, politics or selfish ambitions take hold of what is truth and what is right for a group of people that should be loved.
Dr. Carroll wrote the book "Christians at the Border" which is a great resource for immigration and where its in the Bible. Its a comprehensive study that's practical and thought provoking of immigration in the Old and New Testament.
There was so many mind blowing things talking to Danny and hearing his experiences as a Guatamalen-American man. I never realized how my perspective was so narrow-minded.
Leviticus 19:33-34 says: 'When an alien lives with you in your land, do not mistreat him. The alien living with you must be treated as one of your native-born. Love him as yourself, for you were aliens in Egypt. I am the LORD your God.
That is a COMMAND! To love the alien who is living in our land.
Let us not grow naive or forgetful of what God has called us to do.
These immigrants that we hear about that are 'taking over' our country are just as much human as us. These immigrants who can be stereotyped as criminals, gangsters or uneducated are mothers, fathers, sons, daughters who can benefit our society and really Bibically be more opportunities to share the Gospel.
We need to think Bibically and Christ-like.
When I think of immigrants-I think of Nayeli, Iris, Salma, Edgar, Jaime, Odalis, Perla, Raul, Mayra, Luz, Meme, Felipe, Marta, Fernando, Alejandro. These are the immigrants that I am trying to follow the commandment Levitcus 19:33-34 with many of these immigrants (many of them undocumented and illegal) I am called to love them, not to know if they are supposed to be here.
Dr. Carroll wrote the book "Christians at the Border" which is a great resource for immigration and where its in the Bible. Its a comprehensive study that's practical and thought provoking of immigration in the Old and New Testament.
There was so many mind blowing things talking to Danny and hearing his experiences as a Guatamalen-American man. I never realized how my perspective was so narrow-minded.
Leviticus 19:33-34 says: 'When an alien lives with you in your land, do not mistreat him. The alien living with you must be treated as one of your native-born. Love him as yourself, for you were aliens in Egypt. I am the LORD your God.
That is a COMMAND! To love the alien who is living in our land.
Let us not grow naive or forgetful of what God has called us to do.
These immigrants that we hear about that are 'taking over' our country are just as much human as us. These immigrants who can be stereotyped as criminals, gangsters or uneducated are mothers, fathers, sons, daughters who can benefit our society and really Bibically be more opportunities to share the Gospel.
We need to think Bibically and Christ-like.
When I think of immigrants-I think of Nayeli, Iris, Salma, Edgar, Jaime, Odalis, Perla, Raul, Mayra, Luz, Meme, Felipe, Marta, Fernando, Alejandro. These are the immigrants that I am trying to follow the commandment Levitcus 19:33-34 with many of these immigrants (many of them undocumented and illegal) I am called to love them, not to know if they are supposed to be here.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Summer Spotlight --- Mission Adelante group 1 (the little littles)
So I have decided that I want to highlight some of the groups that I have been serving for the summer so you can get a sneak peak of the things that I do on a day to day basis.
The first thing that I want to spotlight on is the little littles that me and Molly Merrick teach each week for our kid outreach bible study. We are with the littlest kids who come to kids Adelante. Kids Adelante is our weekly time where 70+ kids ranging from 5 to 12 year olds (Pre K-7th grade) come we sing, play games and follow a expository curriculum where we go through the entire Bible in a year. It is a great time where about 20 volunteers love on the kids for a couple of hours and teach them about the Love of Christ and what we have when we follow HIM!
Molly and I have group 1 (there are 7 groups total) and I just love these little kiddos! we have generally 9-12 kids on any given week and have been doing the curriculum a little bit more differently than the other kids. It is story based lessons that focus on Creation, the fall of man and our redemption. We have been teaching them concepts such as trusting God, what sin can do in our lives and how we need Jesus. Its been so great learning with these kids and having a great time seeing them grow, learning memory verses and key Bible Stories.
Throughout the summer, I have really experienced the Lord's favor be poured out onto these kids.
On other news:
Prayer request for 2 of the Teenage girls that I have been mentoring and ministering to, 2 cousins (Nayeli and Salma) had a tragic death in the family (Nayeli's Dad, and Salma's Uncle) please be praying for these families as it has affected many people, including Nayeli's three little brothers who no longer have a father. Pray for protection of the families because Nayeli and Salma's mothers have traveled to Mexico where the death took place. Pray for protection of the kids who have stayed here with limited supervision and other circumstances that complicate this matter. It is so hard to see the community hurt so much from tragic circumstances. Please pray with me as these families grief and try to see the joy that the Lord can give.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Midterm
I have been featured with Andrw at the Mission Adelante official blog!
http://www.missionadelante.blogspot.com/
These past 5 weeks have been incredible full of memories and growth day after day. We just finished our midterm break and Andrew and I went to a music festival called Cornerstone in Bushnell, Illinois, about 6 hours away from KCK. It was a great break to the busy city life. We lived in a tent for about 4 days among thousands of other patrons of music. It was completely in the middle of nowhere, with nothing except encouraging music and speakers. We just got back yesterday, just in time for 4th of July festivities at mission adelante!
The previous weeks, we have done 3 VBS camps, one of the them being a soccer camp for both for the Bhutanese refugees and the Hispanic kids. There have been so many other highlights that I would love to mention, but processing them in my brain seems daunting and long, so I will save you the time.
One thing that I would like to share is the Teen girl's Bible Study that I have been helping lead. We have been reading and discussing from the book, Lies Young Women Believe, and the Truth that sets them Free. Megan, Brooke and I (Teens Adelante people) have been preparing for this study since the end of the last trimester in April and have been extremely excited to finally kick off last tuesday. I led the first study talking about lies about God. Preparing for it, I knew it was going to go deep and personal with some of the discussion. One being that we shouldn't look at God as our earthly father, many of the girls in the study don't even even know their dads, so I knew talking about it, we would come across words such as bitter, resent, even hate. And we did. it was so amazing to break some of the lies that these girls look at God like and really find God to be not a distant, far away being who is like our fathers who doesn't know us or love us conditionally, but something much more, more real, close and perfect. It was so amazing and I am still trying to process what all came about from this time with the girls. It was more deep than I ever thought I had planned. God is working in these girls lives and its amazing to be present for it!
I am overwhelmed by the encouragement and the growth that I have received from the staff at MA, its great working here. Its great living in KCK and I feel right at home. I want to continue to remain in this community, live and dwell with these great people that I now call my friends. We will see what happens in the fall with opportunities on remaining to live here as I finish my last year with school and student teaching at the neighborhood school that so many of the Mission Adelante Kids go to! (I am so excited for this!!)
This coming week, I plan on doing some great contact work with some neighborhood kids, like swimming, going to Deanna Rose farm and treating some kids to yummy ice cream or lunch.
Continue to pray for the willingness to reach more of the teens that have been rather unreachable and hard to really have deep, intimate times with them this summer, also pray for the Girls Bible Study, pray that we continue to see more of the Lord's work during that time. ALso, pray that someone's heart will stir to help me raise support. I am behind in receiving my final $800 dollars or so and that I keep putting my hope in the lord that he will provide.
Thank you readers for following me, praying for me and seeing the hope that I see for the KCK community.
Blessings to you all.
http://www.missionadelante.blogspot.com/
These past 5 weeks have been incredible full of memories and growth day after day. We just finished our midterm break and Andrew and I went to a music festival called Cornerstone in Bushnell, Illinois, about 6 hours away from KCK. It was a great break to the busy city life. We lived in a tent for about 4 days among thousands of other patrons of music. It was completely in the middle of nowhere, with nothing except encouraging music and speakers. We just got back yesterday, just in time for 4th of July festivities at mission adelante!
The previous weeks, we have done 3 VBS camps, one of the them being a soccer camp for both for the Bhutanese refugees and the Hispanic kids. There have been so many other highlights that I would love to mention, but processing them in my brain seems daunting and long, so I will save you the time.
One thing that I would like to share is the Teen girl's Bible Study that I have been helping lead. We have been reading and discussing from the book, Lies Young Women Believe, and the Truth that sets them Free. Megan, Brooke and I (Teens Adelante people) have been preparing for this study since the end of the last trimester in April and have been extremely excited to finally kick off last tuesday. I led the first study talking about lies about God. Preparing for it, I knew it was going to go deep and personal with some of the discussion. One being that we shouldn't look at God as our earthly father, many of the girls in the study don't even even know their dads, so I knew talking about it, we would come across words such as bitter, resent, even hate. And we did. it was so amazing to break some of the lies that these girls look at God like and really find God to be not a distant, far away being who is like our fathers who doesn't know us or love us conditionally, but something much more, more real, close and perfect. It was so amazing and I am still trying to process what all came about from this time with the girls. It was more deep than I ever thought I had planned. God is working in these girls lives and its amazing to be present for it!
I am overwhelmed by the encouragement and the growth that I have received from the staff at MA, its great working here. Its great living in KCK and I feel right at home. I want to continue to remain in this community, live and dwell with these great people that I now call my friends. We will see what happens in the fall with opportunities on remaining to live here as I finish my last year with school and student teaching at the neighborhood school that so many of the Mission Adelante Kids go to! (I am so excited for this!!)
This coming week, I plan on doing some great contact work with some neighborhood kids, like swimming, going to Deanna Rose farm and treating some kids to yummy ice cream or lunch.
Continue to pray for the willingness to reach more of the teens that have been rather unreachable and hard to really have deep, intimate times with them this summer, also pray for the Girls Bible Study, pray that we continue to see more of the Lord's work during that time. ALso, pray that someone's heart will stir to help me raise support. I am behind in receiving my final $800 dollars or so and that I keep putting my hope in the lord that he will provide.
Thank you readers for following me, praying for me and seeing the hope that I see for the KCK community.
Blessings to you all.
Friday, June 4, 2010
1st week done!
Wow. what a week I can't even think of what i have done these past 6 days of being in KCK, its been so much goodness! First was move-in, it was so stress-free because of Jarrett, Jason, and my sweet Andy and his brother Michael. I felt like i didn't even lift a finger! We got settled in, I met Jill the other intern and her mom. I was extremely excited to get to know her immediately from the time I met her. She seemed so awesome and on fire for the Lord, and to be right across from the hall from each other is such a blessing!!
So to tell you everything that I have done for the past 6 days I will give you a phrase of each day, either something that I experienced, felt, or saw. Let's see if I can do this.
Saturday 5/29: move-in, Welcome to KCK dinner at the Meeks. Met lots of families in the community!
Sunday 5/30: Orientation, Prayer, first Mission Adelante church service (all in Spanish-I don't know spanish, but it felt so powerful). It was overwhelming at first, but it is certainly a dream for me to learn spanish and be able to communicate with the people in this community.
Monday 5/31: Day off, memorial day in Lawrence, KS with Andrew. What a great refreshing, restful time before we hit the ground running the next day.
Tuesday 6/1: passed out invitations to neighborhood kids, had lunch with staff at Mission Adelante and with some Shoal Creek Church folks at a neighborhood Mexican place. 1st day of VBS camp and had 75 Hispanic and Nepali kids show up for a great time. Pretty stressful day, but was excited to start officially!
Wed 6/2: Worked hard around the mission cleaning stuff and having devotional times. Had a some great contact work with 2 teens that I will be working with this summer, Helen and Iris, took them to the local Palenteria (ice cream place). Then had day 2 of VBS. just as fun with lots of fun games, dancing and soccer!!
Thursday 6/3: Started out with a great devotional time for 2 hours-I love having all of this time just to spend with the Lord. Then we discussed a book that we are all reading together with the staff-the Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer. Such a great time, then work more around the Mission. Then on to our Last day of VBS with the kids. It was a great end to a first week on the job.
Friday 6/4: Sabbath! Running errands and relaxing on this hot summer day.
Ok, that was harder than I thought! It seriously has been a huge culture shock, and living in KCK is more awesome that I expected. From the food, to the kids, to the people that I am living with. I LOVE it!
Continue to pray for me and the other interns, we are all exhausted, physically, spiritually, mentally, etc... and we are wanting to continue to be servants to anywhere that we are at. Pray for us, our unity with each other and the staff and that we are able to have a great contact time with the kids. Specifically pray for my relationship with Helen and Iris, 2 teenage sisters who God has really been calling me to and pray that I continue to learn spanish for it is a big passion of mine to learn and communicate with the families.
Also, pray that I finish up my support raising, I have just a little bit left, but I want to be able to be completely supported by the end of this month.
thank you all who have been praying, following and supporting me through finances and prayer for this adventure. I wouldn't have been able to do it without you :)
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
4 Days till Move day
I am anxiously getting excited for Saturday! Move day to KCK! I got all of the info for what our schedule will be this weekend with orientation and getting everything ready to go!
I just got my support update as well. I have $985 left to support. I am praying that the Lord will stir some people in their hearts to help me be fully supported.
ready to leave Lee's Summit suburb and go into the 'hood of KCK.
Now onto packing and cleaning and getting everything ready for a new change!
Continue to pray for Andrew and I's hearts. Pray for our relationship that we will be Holy and Pure and be good examples to the community of KCK. Pray that we will remain in the Lord's favor and continue to be full of His Spirit.
Fighting for the Lord in this dark place!
I just got my support update as well. I have $985 left to support. I am praying that the Lord will stir some people in their hearts to help me be fully supported.
ready to leave Lee's Summit suburb and go into the 'hood of KCK.
Now onto packing and cleaning and getting everything ready for a new change!
Continue to pray for Andrew and I's hearts. Pray for our relationship that we will be Holy and Pure and be good examples to the community of KCK. Pray that we will remain in the Lord's favor and continue to be full of His Spirit.
Fighting for the Lord in this dark place!
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