I wish I can be more aware of what is around me. Sometimes I am so caught up in only just a tiny, minuscule percentage of what is going on and I am so small to really see more of what there really is.
I want to find beauty in what's broken. In the things that are ugly in this world. I want to not have a judgmental heart or a heart that compares myself to others.
I have come to realize that I am very narrow minded and don't know what beauty looks like. My skewed perspective of beauty comes from a lack of knowledge possibly, or a lack of sight...I don't know.
my words of describing this is so insignificant and poor.
I want to know true beauty. I want it to be the radiation of my heavenly daddy who gives it to me with his blessings, his promises, and truths.
Father, fill me with beauty. Let me see the beauty that you see. Not this world's beauty.
I want my heart to be forever changed.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
blessings
The love of the Lord and his blessings are everywhere, especially when you least expect it.
Story time!
So I was walking around downtown to the bank for work because I had to run an errand. It is about 4 blocks from my office to US Bank, and it is a beautiful day...as I step out of my building, I see this man who appeared to be homeless. He looked like he was wearing everything that he owned and looked very dirty. By the time I got to where he was, he was gone. The Lord suddenly just spoke to my heart and said, "Rachel, if you want to let me bless you today, you need serve and bless someone else". So I was like, "Ok God! I can smile for someone who looks like they need it and it will be real easy like that!"...no way. God's plan was different. So I just kept walking, and I continued to have that man who was right by my building on my mind...I kept seeing more and more brokenness on the streets and the amount of homeless people in this city.
Not until recently, have I realized the severity of this issue in KC, and other cities. Last year, I had the opportunity to serve at a shelter and serve dinner.The amounts of people (just men, because it was only a men's house) that came in through those doors were HUNGRY...not just like, they ate only earlier that day, but for many, it was their first wholesome meal that week. God has growing on my heart social justice and fighting for those who can't fight for themselves and so ever sense then, I have really been aware of the oppression and desperation in this city and how its everywhere....
So anyway, back to the story, I walked out of the bank and was headed back to my office. When all of the sudden, 2 men who appeared to be homeless come right in front of my path, one man kept on walking, and the other asked me for some spare change. I said I didn't have any cash on me but I asked if he was hungry and if I could get him and his friend some lunch. These two men were middle aged, very tired looking, dirty and hungry. So the guy who asked called his friend back to where we were and said, "Hey J.C! Come over here, this young girl is going to feed us!"...as soon as I heard that, i just knew this is going to be quite an experience.
One man's name was J.C. and the other, I couldn't remember. We walked to the Arcade, and i got them some burritos and a cookie. As we were waiting in line, J.C. told me this was his first meal since yesterday. I asked him how long he has been in KC and said for a while. He told me he lost his job a while ago and used to be a chef at Hope and Faith shelter...he was so honest with me, sharing what happened to his life and where he was at. and I just kept listening. Right there in line to get his burrito, he broke down crying and said this is the first thing that has made me smile in over a week. He told me I was his angel and he knew that God was providing. We both shared some tears, as I felt so humbled and inadequate to talk to this guy at all because of all the pain and suffering he was experiencing, but he felt so genuine and kind. I wanted to just sit on a park bench and share life with him because he seemed so great to talk to. We decided to sit a bus stop to eat and I asked if I could pray for them...J.C immediately agreed and told me that he wanted to pray for me first. His prayer brought me to tears and I felt so blessed.
Everything that he said was so from the spirit and I felt so much peace. He was like MY angel. I then prayed for him, he told me how grateful he was and the other man was so sweet giving me a giant hug. J.C then told me his story of being on the streets, getting into alcohol, drugs and gangs and basically shared me his entire testimony of how he has found faith...when has lost it all he found faith and saw God through his brokenness. After that, I told him that God's glory comes most in our weakness and brokennes. We both continued to share scripture and soon I had to leave to go back to work. He gave me a hug, asked me if he could pray for me again...It was by far one of the best blessings I have ever received---those 30 minutes that I took of what started to be an errand, became an act of obedience for the Lord that turned into a giant blessing that i will never forget.
Sooo just to let you know, the entire time, the Holy Spirit really did protect me, I made sure that I was not by myself and that i was in public sight.I felt safe, and so I don't want to share this and people get scared or concerned...I guess that's my disclaimer.
God is good. He blesses me through so many people---especially people that I would never think of.
Thank you Lord for your faithfulness, the ability to serve others and for the life that I am being led from you.
Story time!
So I was walking around downtown to the bank for work because I had to run an errand. It is about 4 blocks from my office to US Bank, and it is a beautiful day...as I step out of my building, I see this man who appeared to be homeless. He looked like he was wearing everything that he owned and looked very dirty. By the time I got to where he was, he was gone. The Lord suddenly just spoke to my heart and said, "Rachel, if you want to let me bless you today, you need serve and bless someone else". So I was like, "Ok God! I can smile for someone who looks like they need it and it will be real easy like that!"...no way. God's plan was different. So I just kept walking, and I continued to have that man who was right by my building on my mind...I kept seeing more and more brokenness on the streets and the amount of homeless people in this city.
Not until recently, have I realized the severity of this issue in KC, and other cities. Last year, I had the opportunity to serve at a shelter and serve dinner.The amounts of people (just men, because it was only a men's house) that came in through those doors were HUNGRY...not just like, they ate only earlier that day, but for many, it was their first wholesome meal that week. God has growing on my heart social justice and fighting for those who can't fight for themselves and so ever sense then, I have really been aware of the oppression and desperation in this city and how its everywhere....
So anyway, back to the story, I walked out of the bank and was headed back to my office. When all of the sudden, 2 men who appeared to be homeless come right in front of my path, one man kept on walking, and the other asked me for some spare change. I said I didn't have any cash on me but I asked if he was hungry and if I could get him and his friend some lunch. These two men were middle aged, very tired looking, dirty and hungry. So the guy who asked called his friend back to where we were and said, "Hey J.C! Come over here, this young girl is going to feed us!"...as soon as I heard that, i just knew this is going to be quite an experience.
One man's name was J.C. and the other, I couldn't remember. We walked to the Arcade, and i got them some burritos and a cookie. As we were waiting in line, J.C. told me this was his first meal since yesterday. I asked him how long he has been in KC and said for a while. He told me he lost his job a while ago and used to be a chef at Hope and Faith shelter...he was so honest with me, sharing what happened to his life and where he was at. and I just kept listening. Right there in line to get his burrito, he broke down crying and said this is the first thing that has made me smile in over a week. He told me I was his angel and he knew that God was providing. We both shared some tears, as I felt so humbled and inadequate to talk to this guy at all because of all the pain and suffering he was experiencing, but he felt so genuine and kind. I wanted to just sit on a park bench and share life with him because he seemed so great to talk to. We decided to sit a bus stop to eat and I asked if I could pray for them...J.C immediately agreed and told me that he wanted to pray for me first. His prayer brought me to tears and I felt so blessed.
Everything that he said was so from the spirit and I felt so much peace. He was like MY angel. I then prayed for him, he told me how grateful he was and the other man was so sweet giving me a giant hug. J.C then told me his story of being on the streets, getting into alcohol, drugs and gangs and basically shared me his entire testimony of how he has found faith...when has lost it all he found faith and saw God through his brokenness. After that, I told him that God's glory comes most in our weakness and brokennes. We both continued to share scripture and soon I had to leave to go back to work. He gave me a hug, asked me if he could pray for me again...It was by far one of the best blessings I have ever received---those 30 minutes that I took of what started to be an errand, became an act of obedience for the Lord that turned into a giant blessing that i will never forget.
Sooo just to let you know, the entire time, the Holy Spirit really did protect me, I made sure that I was not by myself and that i was in public sight.I felt safe, and so I don't want to share this and people get scared or concerned...I guess that's my disclaimer.
God is good. He blesses me through so many people---especially people that I would never think of.
Thank you Lord for your faithfulness, the ability to serve others and for the life that I am being led from you.
Friday, March 26, 2010
surprises
I have never been a risk taker, sometimes I pretend I am but frankly, I am a giant scaredy cat! So when it comes down to me breaking down some walls that I love being around, God does some big things.
I am about to step out into faith this summer and live in a community full of so much brokenness, despair and hate. One friend has told me we will be 'setting up tents near the gates of hell'. This area is Kansas City, Kansas. A very dark place in my city. I found this place a couple of years ago through my program at UMKC-Institute of Urban Education. And really found God calling my to KCK last summer when he was nudging that area in my heart through a friend who I have recently met and told me about Mission Adelante.
So through this journey of seeing the work of the Lord in Mission Adelante, and seeing myself and Andrew put our hearts there, I have decided to become an intern!
I will be living in that area and sharing my life with the people in that community while they will be as well.
This is a big step of faith for me financially because this was the summer that I was planning on working a bunch to save up so I wouldn't have to work the next 2 semesters and I have to raise support for this trip, but I have decided that this is much bigger and God will provide.
Pray for my heart to be prepared, pray for grace, love and faith to be increased and for the lives that will be touched this summer with everything.
I am so excited!!
I am about to step out into faith this summer and live in a community full of so much brokenness, despair and hate. One friend has told me we will be 'setting up tents near the gates of hell'. This area is Kansas City, Kansas. A very dark place in my city. I found this place a couple of years ago through my program at UMKC-Institute of Urban Education. And really found God calling my to KCK last summer when he was nudging that area in my heart through a friend who I have recently met and told me about Mission Adelante.
So through this journey of seeing the work of the Lord in Mission Adelante, and seeing myself and Andrew put our hearts there, I have decided to become an intern!
I will be living in that area and sharing my life with the people in that community while they will be as well.
This is a big step of faith for me financially because this was the summer that I was planning on working a bunch to save up so I wouldn't have to work the next 2 semesters and I have to raise support for this trip, but I have decided that this is much bigger and God will provide.
Pray for my heart to be prepared, pray for grace, love and faith to be increased and for the lives that will be touched this summer with everything.
I am so excited!!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
waiting
I will wait for You there
Down on my knees where I met You
Give You all of my cares
Find a grace to hold onto now
I’m calling for You
I will wait for You there
far from the world and it’s violence
It left broken and bare
I need to hear You in the silence now
I’m calling for You
And with outstretched arms
I will sing out melodies
And my beating heart
Will pour out a symphony
Hallelujah’s in the morning
Hallelujah’s in the night
I will wait for you as long as I have life
I will wait for You there
Down On my knees where I met you
Cause life is a war fought with tears
But You are the strength I hold onto now
I’m calling for you
~ Phil Wickham
I feel like I am waiting for so many things, and that I am so close to reaching to them...
being done with college
becoming a teacher
marrying Andrew
living with Andrew
bearing and caring for children
finding my ministry with Mission Adelante and Heartland.
God using me
doing something big
traveling to places that need Jesus
living a frugal, substantial life where I give up my worldly possessions.
being more like Jesus.
But these plans are not plans, unless they are in God's will, and only you Jesus I can wait on. Only you, I can put my hope and trust on you Lord.
I am being tested though, I am being hit with envy, jealousy and pure judgment because I don't have what others are getting around me. Lord purify my heart so I won't love hating and being angry with what I don't have.
Lord I need your strength.
Down on my knees where I met You
Give You all of my cares
Find a grace to hold onto now
I’m calling for You
I will wait for You there
far from the world and it’s violence
It left broken and bare
I need to hear You in the silence now
I’m calling for You
And with outstretched arms
I will sing out melodies
And my beating heart
Will pour out a symphony
Hallelujah’s in the morning
Hallelujah’s in the night
I will wait for you as long as I have life
I will wait for You there
Down On my knees where I met you
Cause life is a war fought with tears
But You are the strength I hold onto now
I’m calling for you
~ Phil Wickham
I feel like I am waiting for so many things, and that I am so close to reaching to them...
being done with college
becoming a teacher
marrying Andrew
living with Andrew
bearing and caring for children
finding my ministry with Mission Adelante and Heartland.
God using me
doing something big
traveling to places that need Jesus
living a frugal, substantial life where I give up my worldly possessions.
being more like Jesus.
But these plans are not plans, unless they are in God's will, and only you Jesus I can wait on. Only you, I can put my hope and trust on you Lord.
I am being tested though, I am being hit with envy, jealousy and pure judgment because I don't have what others are getting around me. Lord purify my heart so I won't love hating and being angry with what I don't have.
Lord I need your strength.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
What is it about me?
I feel like I have had many seasons in my life. Many that represent who I am today and who I am no longer today.
I think I change so much and so often, its hard to pin point one general thing about that has remained constant all through these years.
That even includes my faith and my relationship with Christ, Daily I have to remind myself the truths that hold me together without letting my own personal thoughts and questions take over.
This past year has been a year of change and purging for me..purging, meaning cleaning out the things in my life that hold me back. First that was one of my jobs, a church, my church duties, a college ministry, etc. etc...yet, I have been able because of no longer doing those, I have been able to gain so much more: time for myself and my studies, a new and exciting ministry in KCK, discovering new passions that can potentially be long-term, a new church, and new group of people that even though its hard to feel included, I am thankful for them.
I am not a failure for giving up, I am not a failure for redoing my life. I am being obedient and seeing what the Lord has been calling me to do for a long time. Its a new season...I am ready to open up the door to see what it entails!
I think I change so much and so often, its hard to pin point one general thing about that has remained constant all through these years.
That even includes my faith and my relationship with Christ, Daily I have to remind myself the truths that hold me together without letting my own personal thoughts and questions take over.
This past year has been a year of change and purging for me..purging, meaning cleaning out the things in my life that hold me back. First that was one of my jobs, a church, my church duties, a college ministry, etc. etc...yet, I have been able because of no longer doing those, I have been able to gain so much more: time for myself and my studies, a new and exciting ministry in KCK, discovering new passions that can potentially be long-term, a new church, and new group of people that even though its hard to feel included, I am thankful for them.
I am not a failure for giving up, I am not a failure for redoing my life. I am being obedient and seeing what the Lord has been calling me to do for a long time. Its a new season...I am ready to open up the door to see what it entails!
Monday, November 16, 2009
What am I working for?
I came across this thought from a sermon that i heard a while ago when i was in Springfield with Andy, and i just thought about it today-I think there is a special reason for this thought and the Lord is trying to get my attention...
Are we working to grow out of Jesus, to be as independent as possible, or are working to grow more into Jesus and his need for him?
Wow, what a thought this gave me the biggest epiphany. Since I have given my life, and surrendered my heart to the Lord, I tried to work my way out of needing God. That if I know this much, or if I did or didn't do this I wouldn't need God anymore.....but the closer and closer I thought I was thinking I didn't need him, the harder I fall. But when I hold onto my Jesus for everything at my hardest, he rescues me. He never fails me...we must hope in him.
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God. Psalm 43:5
The Holy Spirit is ever working in us, there's never a break for the Spirit. We shouldn't take a break on the Lord then. The Lord isn't giving up on us. We are free, we are delivered, even at our most broken...
Praising God again...thank you Lord for Saving me...thank you Jesus for redeeming me.
Are we working to grow out of Jesus, to be as independent as possible, or are working to grow more into Jesus and his need for him?
Wow, what a thought this gave me the biggest epiphany. Since I have given my life, and surrendered my heart to the Lord, I tried to work my way out of needing God. That if I know this much, or if I did or didn't do this I wouldn't need God anymore.....but the closer and closer I thought I was thinking I didn't need him, the harder I fall. But when I hold onto my Jesus for everything at my hardest, he rescues me. He never fails me...we must hope in him.
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God. Psalm 43:5
The Holy Spirit is ever working in us, there's never a break for the Spirit. We shouldn't take a break on the Lord then. The Lord isn't giving up on us. We are free, we are delivered, even at our most broken...
Praising God again...thank you Lord for Saving me...thank you Jesus for redeeming me.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
My thoughts for the day
I love.
I hate.
I sing.
I smile.
I cry.
I am.
I am not.
Is my life what I am?
The Bible is very clear that its not...
Luke 9:23-24
And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.
For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it.
Deny myself. Deny all that I am. Live for Jesus as he lived and loved...not as I live or love.
Living a life that is revolutionary, loving a love that is revolutionary.
I hate.
I sing.
I smile.
I cry.
I am.
I am not.
Is my life what I am?
The Bible is very clear that its not...
Luke 9:23-24
And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.
For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it.
Deny myself. Deny all that I am. Live for Jesus as he lived and loved...not as I live or love.
Living a life that is revolutionary, loving a love that is revolutionary.
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